Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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