I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
