I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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