this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
