apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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