I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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