Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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