the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
