i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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