She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
