Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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