my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
