Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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