Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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