omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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