I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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