are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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