yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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