Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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