I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
