How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
