At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize