ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
