Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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