I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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