hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Michael Bay diarrhea
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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