I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.