Don't make out with my wife yet
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I could make wine with my vomit
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend