I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity