I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight