Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.