apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?