when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dating After Heartbreak
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.