Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.