how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
