i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
