So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
