So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
soo... how was my night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
