This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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