Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
