You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize