I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.