Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The adults are the big ones right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
