Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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