How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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