Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
