My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
