just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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