Can i not drive my cunt home
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I need help removing her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm like, not good at living.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
