I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize