just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
