Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.