good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to