She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.