Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess