6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!