all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.