go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen