I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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