Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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