Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
