What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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