im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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